Writing the Manual. Because They Don't Come with One.

I remember when I was pregnant reading all the books about What to Expect and how to Bring Up the Baby. I was convinced that the things I truly needed to know to be The Best Mom Ever would come from the books. I wasn't completely compared, but I was empowered.

Somehow, the Powers that Be determined we were fit to take the baby home from the hospital. And somehow, we figured it out. Not so much from the books I had read (although the infamous Poop Chart did come in handy), but more so from the little voice inside me that sort of told me what to do. I was never perfect, but they survived. And even when I felt like a failure when the first sick appointment resulted in double ear infections and pink eye...they somehow continue to thrive.

When they are young it is a lot easier not to mess them up. Things are black and white. Protect the outlets. Safety gates. Healthy food. "Because I said so" actually works. So does "One, Two, THREE". You sent them to Time Out and they actually stayed there. Usually. The mistakes you made might make you feel guilty (shh...we did Chick-fil-A for dinner AND they ate their ice cream first, I turned on the TV and took a nap!), but you didn't truly feel there was any danger of long-term damage.

But as they get older things become complicated shades of gray. Heck, it's purple, yellow, green and RED! They don't just talk back, they research and they reason with you. They have access to information in an instant to refute your decisions. I struggle to hold strong to the values and methods that I was raised with because, I feel like I turned out okay, and I have happy memories! But finding a way to blend the "new and the old"...the traditions and the technology...the opportunities and the consequences...it can just be exhausting. And just because you CAN provide something doesn't always mean you SHOULD! Right???

I read books. I scour the internet. I ask advice. Yet, no matter how good the information seems to be in black and white, only I know my kid. Even though they don't come with manuals, I have to believe in the connection of biology. Somehow, sharing DNA gives me an insight into these kids of mine that just can't be found in the latest research material. So I find myself going Old School. Trusting My Gut.

And Being Present.

While I have thankfully graduated to a place where the kids have become somewhat independent, what I am experiencing is that it matters more than ever to be present and available to them. Thankfully, I can now grocery shop alone, still hit the gym on a snow day, go out with a friend without needing a babysitter, and even WORK (yes, a real grown-up, they pay you thing again!) part-time. But I am usually home every morning before they leave and home when they return, and available to be their Uber driver on-demand for all the opportunities they want to have. And it is in those brief and fleeting moments...

When they walk in the door and drop their bag voicing either delight or disappointment with their day (before they are distracted with a snack)...

When they hop in the car and make a comment about their excitement of where they are going (before they argue about their seat or the XM Radio)...

When you pick them up at 9:30 pm on a Monday night (and get a chance to hear the excitement of the experience they just had..before they are too tired to share)...

...that you get the clues on how to proceed. That is where the Manual of How They Tick is really written. Maybe not so much in paper form, but in my heart.

And as we know, there is no The Perfect Manual to Have a Great Kid. I make plenty of mistakes and so do they. But no true success has ever come without plenty of missteps along the way. We live, we learn, but we Trust Our Guts. In the end, the fact that we never stop trying is what matters the most. Rely on that DNA and not the books. That, and the fact that despite the mistakes we make, we keep going and keep learning.

And just when you think you failed miserably at this parenting thing, a stranger will tell you what an Amazing Kid you have. And you have that brief moment of affirmation that it is all going to work out okay...then it's back to reality of providing more food for those ravenous creatures. Again.

See Page 27 of The Manual.