Huh. I'm a Them. The Grown Up.
I remember the moments of stretching my wings, bits of independence that happened slowly, like a glass mosaic that comes together to finally make a picture. Little pieces that make something strong and impactful.
I remember never really being scared to be alone or on my own. Comfortable in my own skin. Wondering where I would fit in, but not really worrying that I wouldn't. Because if I didn't, I'd be okay. There was a confidence I had that came from always being supported. That support came from having a family that was always present, who were there for the little things and the big things. Because sometimes I didn't realize how big the little things really were, but they did. My parents had the wisdom that I knew with certainty, grown ups just inherently possess.
I remember having dreams and goals. Looking at houses and jobs, and relationships. Maybe a bit intimidated by all the choices and possibilities. Seeing couples that were teams on a level deeper than the young love or a crush that I had experienced. I was young. That success...the material things and the strong, grounded relationships would come much later in life. That is the general order of things. I had is no real road map or direction of how to get there, but there was no doubt that the destination would be reached. Be confident. Work hard.
I have the image in my mind now of how I will always look. Somewhere around 25. In my mind, that is how people see me. Everyone who I see that looks older than that, well they are older than me of course. I think it is the self-preservation and defense mechanism inside all of us. Age is a state of mind.
But suddenly, the rose colored glasses turn into tinted contacts. The tinted contacts into fashionable bifocals. There are shadows on the face, experiences that permanently line and circle the eyes. I am looking up at my child, who I used to hold in my arms with ease. He is the size of a man. Amazingly, he has aged. I have not right?
Suddenly, the things that used to be firsts are simply familiar. The challenges I once faced are now intimate friends. The occasional gray hairs I had found that gave me character are now popping up a bit more frequently and standing their ground. The bank account has more money in it, but the knee pain keeps coming back.
And suddenly, I catch myself in a mirror and realize that while inside I am perpetually 25, the body has other ideas. If you do the math, I am 41. No!
I am now the Grown Up.
I am the one that my previous self was watching and looking at what seems like just a few days before, but was actually years.
I am now Them.
And then, suddenly I realize that the dreams I had when I was watching Them from the sidelines have come true. Things that I didn't notice happening as I carefully maneuvered through the manuscript of life, were achieved. I become something that I dreamed about when I wasn't even looking.
I am living the dream. I got there. I got the stuff, I got the family, I got the love, I got the life.
Huh. Somehow, when I wasn't looking. I became Them.
The Grown Up.
And I did a pretty good job. On to the next chapter, with a little more confidence, a little less urgency, and a lot more appreciation. Life is good.